I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
