I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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