She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
