I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
im holly from the hills drunk
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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