that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
