it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
