and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
