i was rollin on her like bob the builder
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
