I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
