I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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