she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
worst night to have a conscience
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
