No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
