when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
