When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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