Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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