the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
