Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
