i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
So much rum. So many feels.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
