did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
