Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
