I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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