Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The power of my boobs compel you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
