im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
