I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
