I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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