Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
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