Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
