that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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