i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
