I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I came so hard my ears popped.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
