you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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