You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
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