he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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