She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
there is puke in my bra ... again
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