Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
