ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
