If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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