Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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