All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
