I think i sorta joined a cult last night
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
