the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He better not be in your backpack
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
