The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I wish i was in the wii world.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
