It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Dick very happy bro
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
