I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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