I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
