So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
