I want to stick my p in your. b.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
