Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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