I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
