he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
