Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
